Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.

There’s Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and even National Donut Day—because apparently the world needed an official excuse to inhale fried dough. But you know what we don’t have? A day for the unsung heroes of silence. I hereby declare National Do Not Disturb Day, a 24-hour celebration of glorious, guilt-free solitude. It’s the one day where “sent from my phone, sorry for the late reply” becomes the national anthem.

Here’s how it works: on this day, all notifications die. Your phone becomes a small, obedient brick. No buzzing, no pinging, no “quick Zoom check-ins” that somehow metastasize into two-hour PowerPoint death marches. Work emails? They can marinate in your inbox. Family group chat arguing about potato salad recipes? Muted. Delivery driver “just dropping a package”? Leave it at the door, champ.

Everyone gets the day off—not to “rest,” because that implies doing yoga and pretending to be centered. No, this day is for unapologetic nothingness. You can lie face down on the carpet and just be. You can sit in your car in total silence, staring at the steering wheel like a meditating monk who’s seen too much. You can nap so deeply that you wake up thinking it’s next year. The key ritual is simple: no talking, no listening, no existing for anyone else.

The beauty of National Do Not Disturb Day lies in its rebellion. Society runs on interruptions. Everyone wants a piece of your attention like it’s a Costco free sample. This holiday says: no, my brain is closed. Try again tomorrow. It’s not selfish; it’s survival. Humans weren’t designed to juggle Slack notifications, social media dopamine hits, and a neighbor who wants to “borrow” your ladder for the fifth time.

So yes, this is a movement. One day a year where we collectively tell the world to shut up. Imagine the peace. The silence. The complete absence of “quick calls.” The economy might collapse, but at least we’d go down quietly for once.

Now, I’m not saying you should hide your phone in the freezer, but I’m also not not saying that.

Links You Might Pretend to Click While Ignoring Everyone:

How to Actually Turn Off Notifications Without Panicking

The Science of Doing Nothing

Digital Detox for People Who Hate Digital Detoxes

How to Say “No” and Mean It Without Crying Later

The Lost Art of Sitting in Silence