Here we go again—America’s favorite rerun: the government shutdown. Another gripping season of “Who Wants to Starve Federal Workers?” while our elected officials sit comfortably on leather chairs that cost more than my car. Every few years, it’s the same melodrama—Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Democrats, and everyone else blames their microwave for not heating evenly. Meanwhile, the lights flicker off in federal offices, national parks get padlocked, and TSA agents start wondering if smiling at passengers will count as “volunteer service.”

I don’t care who’s “right.” I don’t care which side “stood firm for principle.” I care that people can’t pay their rent while Congress still collects checks. Imagine the audacity—regular folks working paycheck to paycheck being told to “hang tight,” while senators stroll around like it’s brunch at the Capitol Grille. Here’s an idea: when the government shuts down, the paychecks for everyone responsible should also stop. No salary. No benefits. No taxpayer-funded haircuts, travel stipends, or that weird gym they all use to “work out bipartisanship.” You want urgency? Watch how fast things get solved when it’s their direct deposit that’s missing.

And let’s not forget the cherry on this crap sundae: SNAP benefits getting frozen. Yeah, because the best time to halt food assistance for struggling families is right when they need it most. Brilliant strategy. Nothing screams “representative democracy” like politicians enjoying catered lunches while kids go hungry because their Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) cards don’t reload. According to the USDA’s shutdown contingency plans, SNAP can run on fumes for a little while, but when the funds dry up, guess who feels it first? Not the people in Congress. Not their donors. It’s the single mom who just needs to feed her kids without having to skip her own dinner.

Every time this circus happens, there’s a new round of press conferences where everyone swears they’re the adults in the room. Newsflash: if the “adults” can’t agree on how to keep the government running, maybe it’s time we check the room for actual adults. The rest of us have to show up to work even when the printer’s jammed, Brenda forgot to file the report, and the Wi-Fi’s down. So spare us the speeches about “political strategy.” Just fix it. Sit down, make a budget, and do your job.

If you want to track which services are still running during this shutdown, the USA.gov shutdown resources page is a depressing but useful place to start. Want to know if your passport application is stuck in limbo? The State Department’s site will give you a taste of that sweet bureaucratic purgatory. And for those still waiting for tax refunds, check the IRS Operations Status page. Spoiler: you’ll still owe them money, even if they’re “technically closed.”

Congress should be reminded that this isn’t a TV drama. These are real people’s paychecks, mortgages, and meals on the line. So maybe, just once, instead of holding America hostage for party points, they could, I don’t know—grow some backbone and do the job we pay them for. Or better yet, don’t pay them at all until the country they supposedly serve is back on its feet. Fair’s fair.