Well, it finally happened. Earlier today, I did the unthinkable—I deleted every single one of my social media accounts. Facebook, gone. Instagram, dead. Twitter—or “X,” as Elon likes to call it, because he’s apparently allergic to vowels—obliterated. TikTok? I nuked that faster than a government wipes UFO footage. The only survivor is my lonely WordPress site, standing there like that one roach after the nuclear blast.

Honestly, it was pathetic how hard those platforms tried to keep me. Every “Are you sure you want to deactivate?” message was written like a desperate ex. “But what about all your memories?” Memories? You mean screenshots of bad takes and photos I don’t even like of people I don’t even talk to? Please. The only thing I’ll miss is the dopamine hit of watching people pretend their lives are perfect.

As soon as I hit delete, my phone got… quiet. Eerily quiet. No buzzes. No likes. No “friend just posted for the first time in a while!” notifications (that I never asked for). I didn’t realize how much brain space was being rented out to digital noise until I evicted all of it. Now it’s just me, my coffee, and the WordPress dashboard judging me silently while I type like a deranged man rediscovering 2008-era blogging.

And for the record, the world didn’t end. Nobody called a search party. No one cared. My disappearance from the feed was about as consequential as removing one grain of sand from a beach. It’s freeing, in a deeply depressing kind of way. Like realizing you were shouting into a void and the void muted you ages ago.

I even went outside after deleting everything. You remember outside? That place with air and birds and people who look you in the eye instead of through a filter? I swear I saw sunlight and nearly hissed. But it felt good. Like being unplugged from the Matrix, except without the cool sunglasses or purpose.

So yeah, I’m off the grid now—well, except for this blog, because obviously I still need somewhere to broadcast my genius into the void. Social media may have been a dumpster fire, but at least it burned bright. This? This is like yelling into a very polite, empty library.

If you’re thinking about deleting your accounts—do it. It’s like performing an exorcism on your attention span. You’ll feel lighter, calmer, and about 0.3% superior to everyone still scrolling.