So here’s something not everyone knows about me: I’m an ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Yep, you read that right. A full-blown, 100% legitimate Pastafarian minister. And no, I don’t wear a colander on my head (well… not often).

It all started as a joke. I stumbled across this thing online years ago—The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster—and thought, “What the hell is this?” At first, I figured it was just internet satire. And honestly, it kind of is. But it’s also a statement, and weirdly enough, it spoke to me. The idea behind it is pretty simple: it’s a parody religion meant to highlight how ridiculous it can be when beliefs are forced into public institutions. But underneath all the noodles and pirate talk, there’s actually a lot of truth and freedom baked in.

I’ve always been more agnostic—spiritual at times, skeptical at others. I don’t need someone screaming at me from a pulpit, and I sure as hell don’t think I need a church to tell me how to be a good person. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, though? He gets it. No judgment. No fire and brimstone. Just carbs, pirates, beer, and a lot of “live and let live.” And for a guy like me, who’s dealt with enough bullshit rules in life, that was refreshing.

So one night, in between rabbit-hole browsing and a couple beers, I decided, “Why not?” I went to their official site, filled out the ordination form, and boom—just like that, I became an ordained minister. No tests. No guilt. No endless lectures about eternal damnation. Just a simple declaration and a printable certificate with a noodly seal of approval.

People laugh when I tell them. Some don’t get it. Some think it’s disrespectful. But for me, it’s about freedom, humor, and standing up for everyone’s right to believe—or not believe—whatever they want. It also gives me the ability to officiate weddings, which is both hilarious and kind of badass. Yes, I can legally marry people. And yes, I do offer to bless the union with garlic bread and marinara.

I didn’t do it to mock religion—I did it because I wanted to make a point, and because it made me laugh. Life’s too short to take everything so damn seriously. Sometimes, all you need is a plate of spaghetti, a pirate hat, and a message that says, “Be good to each other.”

R’amen.