I’ve thought about this more than once while standing in line behind somebody arguing with a cashier over a 37-cent coupon like they’re negotiating a hostage release. Humanity keeps proving that evolution was more of a rough draft than a finished product. So if I could pick any superpower, I wouldn’t fly. I wouldn’t read minds. I definitely wouldn’t wear tights because nobody needs to see middle-aged knees in spandex. I’d want the ability to manipulate matter like Doctor Manhattan.
Not because I want to save the world. The world clearly ignored every warning label already attached to it. I want the power because I’m tired of noise. Endless noise. People talking just to hear themselves echo through the void like defective Bluetooth speakers. Every day somebody opens their mouth with absolute confidence while knowing less than a raccoon digging through a Taco Bell dumpster at 2 AM.
With matter manipulation, I could solve problems instantly. Some guy screaming political nonsense in a grocery store? Mouth gone. Not permanently. I’m not a monster. Maybe replaced with a zipper for a couple hours so society can cool off. Internet troll threatening everybody from behind an anime avatar? Congratulations, your keyboard is now a grilled cheese sandwich. Office meeting that should’ve been an email? The conference table is now a kiddie pool full of pudding. Adapt. Survive.
That’s the beauty of it. No dramatic battles in the sky. No giant laser beams. Just small corrections to humanity’s worst impulses. A cosmic mute button.
And honestly, the older I get, the less interested I am in power for glory. Gen X grew up watching everything crack in slow motion. Broken promises. Broken politics. Broken people raising broken people while corporations sold us caffeine and depression in different colored cans. We learned early that most authority figures were making it up as they went along. Somewhere between cassette tapes and streaming subscriptions, society became one long customer service call nobody can transfer out of.
So if I had Dr. Manhattan powers, I wouldn’t build a utopia. Humans would ruin it in a week by starting Facebook groups about it. I’d just quietly edit reality around me. Remove stupidity where possible. Lower the volume of the human circus. Maybe turn leaf blowers into bubbles. Maybe make people physically unable to use speakerphone in public. Maybe erase the phrase “circle back” from existence entirely. Civilization might actually recover.
The scary part is I think most people secretly want this exact power. Not domination. Silence. Peace. Five uninterrupted minutes without somebody performing their personality like they’re auditioning for a reality show nobody asked for.
That’s probably why Dr. Manhattan always looked exhausted. Infinite power doesn’t make humanity easier to understand. It just gives you a front row seat to the absurdity.