If I had to pick the best excuse I’ve heard lately, it’s got to be, “It’s my emotional support animal.” Funny how every trip to Walmart or the grocery store suddenly feels like a visit to the county fair. There are dogs everywhere. The signs on the front door clearly say No Pets, but apparently reading has become an advanced skill. The magic phrase is “emotional support animal,” and somehow people think that overrides everything. Sure, there are legitimate emotional support animals out there, but let’s not pretend that applies to 99% of the circus rolling through the automatic doors.

Before anyone starts sharpening their pitchforks, let me be clear. I have three dogs myself, including a therapy dog. Could I take my therapy dog into a bunch of places? Probably. Do I? Nope. It’s called respect. Respect for the businesses, respect for the employees who have to clean up after people’s pets, and respect for the people who actually depend on legitimate working dogs every single day. Just because you can doesn’t always mean you should.

We have a crisis K-9 therapy dog, so I’ve seen what a properly trained working dog looks like. They’re calm. They stay focused. They don’t lose their minds because someone walked by with a shopping cart. They listen to commands and ignore distractions because they’ve had actual training. Then you’ve got Captain Bullshit over here who ordered a vest off Amazon for twenty bucks, slapped it on his untrained mutt, and suddenly it’s a “service animal.” Congratulations. You bought a costume. That doesn’t make your dog qualified any more than buying a firefighter helmet makes you put out house fires.

The giveaway is always the same. The little fucker is barking at everyone, trying to bite strangers, dragging its owner around on one of those damn Flexi leashes, and then it decides the cereal aisle is the perfect place to take a dump. That’s not a working dog. That’s a pet that never should’ve made it past the entrance. Real service dogs don’t act like that. They aren’t wandering around on a twenty-foot leash sniffing every display in the store.

If you’re going to lie, at least make it convincing. Train the dog. Keep it under control. Better yet, just leave it at home unless it actually belongs there. The rest of us came to buy groceries, not dodge barking dogs, step around dog shit next to the Cheerios, and watch people abuse a system that was created for those who genuinely need it. Every fake “service animal” just makes life harder for the people with real ones.