GEMSTONE FOR A WEEK

If you had to switch lives with a fictional character for a week, who would you choose?

If I had to switch lives with a fictional character for a week, I’d pick Jesse Gemstone from The Righteous Gemstones. Not because I suddenly want to become a televangelist or start pretending God personally approved my spending habits. I just want to see what the hell it’s like to live like Jesse for seven days. Money. Cars. Giant houses. Private jets. Completely unnecessary amounts of confidence. The kind of life where apparently every bad decision can be solved by throwing more money at it.

For one week, I’d enjoy the ridiculousness of it. Wake up in some massive house, eat breakfast like a king, drive something stupidly expensive, and spend the day surrounded by people who are paid to tolerate my bullshit. Then I’d probably screw something up spectacularly because apparently that’s part of the Jesse Gemstone experience. The difference is, I’d have enough money to make the problem somebody else’s problem. That’s a beautiful system. Completely irresponsible, but beautiful.

Then after seven days I’d happily give the whole thing back. Being Jesse Gemstone looks exhausting. Too much drama, too many people, too much bullshit, and apparently nobody in that family has ever heard of simply shutting the hell up. Give me my regular life back. I’ll keep the cheap car, the normal house, and the blessed absence of a family business that involves microphones, helicopters, and questionable theology. One week is plenty. I’m not trying to become a Gemstone. I just want the all-access pass to the disaster.